After turning 40, I felt liberated in a way I didn’t see coming. Yes, I’d heard that 40 is the new 20–we all have. But I disagree with that sentiment so strongly. You see, when I was 20, I was insecure. When I was 20, I had no idea who I was. When I was 20, I constantly ignored that inner-voice telling to ask for what I wanted. Who cares if I had a fast metabolism and zero gray hair?
But now that I’m in my 40s, I realize I am still growing and changing every day, and I am embracing my age and loving myself as is — and that’s where the magic is.
Did this new feeling hit me like a ton of bricks after I turned 40? Yes, it did.
It wasn’t on that day exactly, but pretty damn close. I realized this was the time to make it count because who knows how much time we have. I settled into my insecurities about my personality and my looks, and with my newfound confidence, my sex drive took off like a cheetah running after its prey. It was an added bonus, and I went with it.
I had no idea what was happening to me, and specifically remember telling my bestie, “I masturbate all the damn time now. I feel glorious, but maybe I have a problem?”
Well, the only problem I had was not having time to act on all the things I wanted to do.
This new love for sex comes from learning to love and finding acceptance with myself for the first time in my life. I also wasn’t feeling quite so touched out anymore. My kids were getting older and, while I run them around a lot, they are self-sufficient and not crawling all over me all the time.
I’ve learned what I will and will not tolerate — women in their 40s know bullshit when they see it which makes it easy to walk away. This leaves more energy to feel sexy, get to know yourself, and practice self- care since you aren’t all wrapped up in what Sally from the PTA meeting thinks about your leopard heels.
You know what works for you in all aspects of your life — your hairstyle, the clothes you want to put on your body, and your favorite sex positions.
You’ve accepted yourself completely so you have no problem asking for what you want, buying your own sexy lingerie, or trying out new toys. Of course, women do these things when they’re younger too — I definitely did, but I wasn’t comfortable with it and always felt a little silly. I didn’t own it back then, but I sure do now. I own the hell out of it, because toys and lingerie and porn can take orgasms from pretty good to off the charts.
And you know, I rather like off-the-charts sex, in between baking cookies for my kids and mopping the floor.
And I’m not the only woman who turns 40 and suddenly has sexual fantasies and wants to get my rocks off all the damn time. An article in Time reports on a study of 827 women and found “women who had passed their peak fertility years but not quite reached menopause were the most sexually active.”
The study also concluded, women ages 27-45 had more sexual fantasies than younger women, and “feel more lustful.” And the reason? Many women are just more comfortable with themselves as they get older, and it opens up a whole new, liberating world.
Can I get an “Amen”?
And I’ve been thinking, if I feel this in touch with my sexuality now, and it keeps getting better, what is 50 going to feel like? I can hardly wait.