Posted by Duff
For a number of the usual reasons that afflict infants his age, Atticus is sleeping fitfully. I’m not complaining. I can sleep another year. And other years will come. Too quickly.
It’s 3:30 am, and I am filling baby bottles. My neighborhood is dark. There is nothing worth watching on television. And I’m transported back to the pre-dawn of 15 weeks ago, when I was timing contractions. Oddly, I am nostalgic for that pain if it means I get to re-live the day I met him. Even if it means I have to re-live the typical eight weeks of baby boot camp.
Because I’m crazy like that. Because he’s my last baby.
He’s really waking up now, and I’m glad, because I want to see him. At 3:33 am. Because it’s our time together, and soon enough he’ll be a smelly ‘tween who has no idea how much his mommy loves him, and he certainly won’t want anyone else to know.
But this morning, before even the birds, his puffy eyes are happy to see me. He leans into my shoulder and yawns. Says hello by placing a strand of lazy g’s and e’s around my neck.
He has no plans of going back to sleep anytime soon. He has scheduled a month of sunrises for us to see together and each comes and goes in a dream-like blink.
It’s gone.
The world wakes up and he smiles directly into my soul before I get up to prepare us for a day apart.
August 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm
This post has me in tears. I feel every emotion you described.
August 28, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Duff- you hit the nail on the head with this one. I still go in and pick carter up and snuggle before I go to bed some nights.
August 28, 2009 at 2:37 pm
With this whole baby thing being as fleeting as it is, I think you are truly blessed to be able to record moments like these so artfully. Someday when you’re well rested, you’ll be able to go back and read about the best parts of that forgotten view from behind baggy undereyes.
August 28, 2009 at 3:08 pm
What a beautiful description of the happiest (and simplest) of moments!
August 28, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I am crying, tears rolling down my cheeks…..every word is so, so true. You capture the emotions of motherhood so well. My comment doesn’t even do it justice. Thank you for putting into words these beautiful moments.
August 29, 2009 at 1:35 am
oh how I loved your post…I am 6.5 weeks into motherhood and when I go in for those late feedings it is the best to see that face looking up at me…that head nuzzling so far into the crook of my neck that i wonder if he’ll find his way out…When he has really long naps during the day I find I welcome the ‘me’time yet miss him all the while..
September 3, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Beautifully written Duff. While I still experience this with my 20 month old, I cannot wait to experience it with the one still cooking! Thank you.
November 27, 2009 at 2:39 am
[...] am so, so glad that I wrote this down when it was [...]